Introduction to Spiritual Autobiography

I’m in the slow process of writing a spiritual autobiography in the hopes that my 30+ years of social isolation and suffering followed by healing, feeling, trusting, being vulnerable again, and spiritual insights can be used to help others to reduce or eliminate their needless egoic suffering.


Rediscovering Our Spiritual Essence

Lost in Egoic Distractions and Attractions





A Sneak Preview of a Future Autobiography by a BDD Survivor




Where does the answer lie?
Living from day to day
if it's something we can't buy
there must be another way

We are spirits in the material world

Lyrics from Spirits in the Material World
written and performed by Sting & the Police

All of my human existence I have been struggling to either “fix”, protect, defend or enhance myself due to forming early core beliefs that there was something inherently wrong with me and that other people would only reject, hurt or abandon me: leading to unrelenting suffering. I was caught in a deluge of perpetual running loops of negative thoughts inside of my head along with its associated feelings—resisting “Life”—rather than living in peace and enjoying life or “what is” available only in the “now”, this very moment. I define core beliefs as any egoic belief system that we form at an early age that subsequently filters and stains our perception of true reality. Suffering is anytime we are lost in our ego—meaningless thought loops that have nothing to do with who we really are, but we believe them anyway—and hell as being completely immersed in ego for short periods of time. In the meantime, I was completely submerged in my ego for 30 years and barely surviving in “hell’s kitchen.” Eventually my life became so painful, chaotic and unmanageable that I could no longer live with the “me” that I thought I was. I somehow found the inner strength to seek out help from therapists and other people through various spiritual-based avenues, which allowed me to express the emotional pain that I kept pushing down and running away from my whole life. I began to slowly let go of my core beliefs.

This is a story of suffering, isolation and survival followed by the healing and recognition of my spirit: a loving, eternal being having a human experience that is much more vast and wondrous than I could have ever imagined, helping me to realize that human egoic suffering is pervasive in our fast-paced, over-stimulated and technology-driven capitalistic society—a collective “normalized” madness. I made a promise to myself that if I could physically and psychologically recover well enough that I would dedicate my life to helping others reduce their suffering—thus, reduce collective suffering in the world. But then I realized that my ego was still controlling me. What does recover “well enough” even mean? Sounds like an endless stalling tactic.

So, I forged ahead and decided the first step would be formalizing and writing my story in a sneak preview and essay format for others’ possible benefit now rather than waiting until I have a full autobiography written who knows when. The eventual, intuitive realization of my spirit allowed me to forgive myself and my mother, when actually there was no “one” to forgive; so I decided to write about my journey back home—to the here and now—and the insights that I have gained along the way through introspection, spiritual teachers, workshops, books, movies and therapists in the hopes of helping others diminish the intensity and amount of time they spend in their suffering.

I personally do not follow any religious beliefs or doctrines, only use spiritual teachings as pointers to what I feel is the Truth. I am not writing this book to try to convince anyone of anything, rather to share knowledge that has helped me in my healing and recovery; therefore, keep an open-mind while reading this and use the information in it for further contemplation, discussion or investigation into what is really true for you and the way you want to live your life—for starters, maybe create your intention statements as a precursor to your new attitude, behaviors, and actions that you want to manifest through yourself and into the world. As an example, I have enclosed mine in the appendix.


“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

                                                                                                                        —    Carl Rodgers

At an early age, unbeknownst to my conscious mind, I started forming a belief system that I was a mistake, unlovable, worthless, and somehow flawed while other people would only reject, hurt, or abandon me; therefore, I have never had any close friends as I never let myself love or be loved. My core beliefs were due to my misperception of my dysfunctional family and school environments having something to do with my “inherent worth” as a human being on this planet we call Earth: continued parental neglect and abuse by others seemed to confirm that other humans can not be trusted and that there was something wrong with me—I was inherently “defective” and not good enough, which further strengthened my core beliefs. Additionally, I grew up with a deformity and developed a chronic myofascial medical condition and never knew anyone else with similar experiences, which only further entrenched my core beliefs—I felt even more different, distinct and defective living in a treacherous world.

These early core beliefs and my emotional pain, including anger towards myself and others, eventually manifested into numerous psychological disorders such as social anxiety & phobia, panic attacks, depression, dissociation, OCD and BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder). I felt extremely unsafe and was not taught to express my thoughts and feelings either to myself or to nurturing adults.  No one ever explained to me that those thoughts and feelings could be challenged, expressed, let go of and did not represent who I intuitively feel I truly am—a loving, spiritual being having a human experience.

After reading, “My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey”, by Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, I realized that more than likely my right-brain had started shutting down and dissociating early in life as a self-defense mechanism; I didn’t know how to challenge my thoughts or express my intense emotional pain. Dr. Taylor described the experience of having a stroke in the left-side of her brain, whereby her left brain processes started shutting down and she was only aware of the functionality of her right-brain. The left-brain displays analytical, narcissistic behavior; whereas, the right-brain expresses feelings, selfless behavior and uses the senses to interpret “the big picture”.6

Therefore, I have been a “virtual” prisoner most of my life; pain and loneliness became my constant companions due to being lost in thoughts created by my egoistical left-brain, which did everything in its power to protect, defend, fix or enhance me. It attempted to control me, others, and my environment—it thought there was a “me” that needed fixing, protecting, defending or enhancing as a way of surviving in this world as a distinct, deficient “me.” Pain and suffering became very comfortable to me; it was one of the only stable things that I could count on in my chaotic life—it seemed “normal” to me.

If I had only intuitively sensed then, what I intuitively sense now, that I am a loving, eternal spirit or awareness that is intimately connected with and a part of everyone and everything in this universe. Awareness is formless and always available to me in the moment. Outside of the moment, I am lost in regrets and resentments of the past, future worries, judgments of myself and others, or being concerned with the judgments by others8—so I am either living in the present moment with joy and peace or imprisoned by my thoughts causing unrelenting suffering in my life! My intuitive sense is that everything is connected together, a Oneness if you will, at an energetic, spiritual level. Can I prove it? No! Do I want to prove it? No! That is just more egotistical questions feeding and reinforcing themselves causing more havoc and suffering in my mind.

What am I really certain of? Only of this thing we call awareness that is constantly aware of my thoughts, my body and my immediate surroundings whether I believe it or not, so it’s not a belief. Other than that, mostly mystery and uncertainty based on evidence determined by the scientific method ranging from the physical sciences down to religious folklore because anytime I try to understand or explain the unexplainable I lessen the beauty or essence surrounding it. Thus, possibly causing more suffering to myself, or the possibility of others causing suffering to themselves; my egoic left-brain wants to “be enough” by being more right or knowledgeable than others. Would I rather be kind or would I rather be right?7 I always wanted to be right until now.

Is it possible for me to make it back from the abyss? Only time and healing will tell. In order to find myself, I needed to lose myself—my ego; I had to live a life of who I was “not” in order to slowly realize who I was; and fully feel, sense and know who I was required “unlearning” what I thought I was—mind, body and misinterpretations of my “worth” from painful life experiences. Additionally, realizing my mind was full of indoctrinated beliefs and opinions from my parents, friends, schools, religious, corporate and government institutions.

By forming close connections with family and friends, finding a meaning and purpose in my life; expressing and sharing my feelings with therapists, friends, workshops and support groups; engaging in spiritual books and movies; and learn how to forgive was I able to slowly dissolve my core beliefs and finally get in touch with who I intuitively sense that I really am and have always been—awareness. I now realize that my suffering and the beautiful souls who I’ve met along the way were my greatest spiritual teachers. I intuitively sense that we are here temporarily on earth to learn how to forgive ourselves and others; thereby, developing more compassion, acceptance, peace, unconditional love, respect, and dignity for each other as we have a lot more in common than our skin color, languages, appearances, where we live, what we do and believe. Earth is just one big spiritual playground; we have the choice whether we learn and grow from our experiences or not! Identity and labeling separates us from Oneness—from true freedom, love and joy.

Ironically, when I began to express painful, repressed emotions and slowly let go of core beliefs, I have started becoming more aware of how chaotic, egoistical-driven, power-hungry and “lost” our society has become, almost to the point of wanting to disconnect again; I was starting to feel and care more about the world’s collective pain and misery where a major contributor is being lost in our egoic thoughts and pursuits. For instance, have you noticed how the distribution of capitalistic wealth is becoming more-and-more disproportionate? The wool has been pulled over our eyes and the joke is on us; we have been playing and participating in a fool’s game of helping to fill the pockets of the rich and powerful at the expense of the poor becoming poorer—royalty with their jesters and peasants. Competition at what expense—greed, corruption, egoic suffering, winners and losers, and feast or famine. Will society ever wake up from the slavery of trying to achieve and maintain the American dream while shackled to the dungeon walls of debt supporting the upper elite’s ivory castles? I am appalled, embarrassed and humiliated concerning the prejudice, treatment, waste and rape of our culture, environment and social morality at the expense of our principle economic model—capitalism, which is not a cause but a symptom of our collective egoic suffering.


Societal Ills

We have been hoodwinked and brain-washed through propaganda, misinformation and disinformation from individuals and established government, corporate and religious institutions.  Our disintegrating educational system has not only has dropped the ball in core subjects, but does not integrate into our lives what we really need to learn most—how to use our right-brain’s senses, feelings and intuition, or rather, our awareness, to reduce or eliminate egoic suffering in order to access our loving spirit. What if books such as, “A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose” by Eckhart Tolle were required reading in school systems to teach our children and young adults about the pitfalls of individualistic and collective egos, with more emphasis on using our right-brains’ processes for the way we live and interact with the world! 3

We should bond or connect with fellow human beings, have a true purpose or calling in life, contest our core beliefs, and just allow ourselves to feel our feelings.  Instead, we numb ourselves with “distractions and attractions” in order to temporarily escape our uncomfortable thoughts and feelings usually resulting from “triggered” in-the-moment emotional energy from our past. We absorb ourselves with brainless tv programs, internet, cars, houses, cellphones, ipods, gossip, food, sex, drugs, alcohol, physical appearance concerns, prejudices, beliefs, opinions, assumptions, preferences, self-imposed limitations, and the social masks we wear in order to be enough—our possessions, obsessions, addictions, labeling and judging of others, and the roles we play—a false “identity” created by our pathological egoic madness you might say.

And when this way of dealing with our thoughts, feelings and emotional pain is not enough to keep them at bay then we start developing even more dysfunctional and psychological behaviors, what is labeled “mental illness”. We do not realize that unresolved emotional pain and egoic behavior (pain-ego) passed down from generation-to-generation and through society’s institutions helps to create one of our greatest fears—so called “mental illness”. According to recent studies of nurture vs. nature in regards to mental health, nurturing environments are found to be much more conducive to forming healthy minds than previously thought, even when the baby is still in the womb—so maybe we need to take a stronger stance towards improving our social environments rather than looking to blame the mentally ill based on biological genes.2

We do not realize that living apart from the present moment—our true authentic selves—moves us further away from the peace, love, and joy that we so desperately seek outside of ourselves on a daily basis. We suffer with our unresolved emotional pain and core beliefs allowing others to suffer as well through competition, injustice, violence, and corruption due to our egoistical needs and wants driven by the desire to be enough or have enough4, so goes the societal ills mainly caused by our egoic thinking and pursuits and perpetuated by the rich and powerful institutions—albeit at much greater cost to our planet and its inhabitants.

Let’s look at some of the major symptoms in society due to the loss of being in touch with our spiritual nature, thereby letting our egoic emotions, thoughts, decisions and actions run amok. Why do we need so many product choices in our society that either break eventually or seem to be outdated or improved upon constantly? Because we are somehow convinced that we are “less than” if we don’t have the latest and greatest toys? I’m astounded at the number of choices we have in regards to almost everything—cereals, cars, electronics, food, etc. to the point of being over-stimulated or preoccupied with numerous choices throughout our culture. Just look at how commercial advertising has been shoved down our throats and subliminal in some respects: at every twist and turn throughout the day we are flooded with tv and radio commercials, magazine ads, billboard ads, banners on buses, internet ads, etc. It’s nice to have choice, but when does it become unreasonable? Choice leads to waste as corporations have to be cost efficient in order to be competitive with each other, not to mention, the proliferation of unethical and immoral behaviors in order to have enough.

Notice also how a lot of things including our chaotic lives seem to be rapidly changing and speeding up faster and faster, for example movies, shows, and even commercials; thus saturating and drowning out our intuitive senses—no wonder some kids and adults have ADD or ADHD. We contribute to it as we try to escape our own thoughts and pain with more-and-more daily activities and egoic pursuits. Of course, our capitalist system counts on product obsolescence basically guaranteed  due to our ignorance and constant egotistical search for something out there to fill our emotional void through acquiring more-and-more possessions, endless addictions and countless obsessions—a losing battle.

We are like a hamster spinning on a ruthless suffering wheel unable to feel contentment, peace, joy or have any spiritual growth; we are either “lost” in thoughts and feelings without challenging the underlying beliefs, or trying to escape our thoughts and feelings with addictions, obsessions and possessions in order to prevent us from feeling consumed by our uncomfortable feelings that tend to surface when we accidently slow down and are present without thoughts for a few moments throughout our day. It is just swirling unprocessed energy residing within us that occasionally lets us know that it is still there waiting for us to stop, pay attention, nurture, feel and process it like a busy caterpillar finally spinning an awareness cocoon waiting to emerge and dry its wings weeks later—our spirit, like a beautiful butterfly taking flight for the first time, waiting to be uncovered and set free.

If everyone is busy running away from their feelings by staying busy doing almost anything including keeping up with the Joneses and the latest technology, engrossed in entertainment cable TV, consuming drugs and alcohol, purchasing products, gossiping about each other, working extra jobs and hours, staying busy with school activities  and absorbed in suffering thoughts caused by our attachments to a deficient, distinct self, then how is anyone going to slow down, get in touch with their true essence and wake up to the reality of their egoic dream instead of being immersed, coerced, and brainwashed into interpreting or believing everything they read and hear from the news or from other higher institutions as the gospel truth? Is it possible that all or most of the wars America engaged in were influenced by a select few who would benefit from the profits of war at the expense of military deaths and the untold suffering of returning veterans and all they come in contact with due to their associated physical and psychological problems?2

Possibly, and especially after reading this essay, some people may look at my 30-year history of numerous psychological conditions as being abnormal, crazy, or unstable.  Perhaps knowing more about my dysfunctional life doesn’t really help them; it is hard to comprehend “intense suffering” and its associated symptoms unless one has had similar experiences. Little do they realize that they are just as caught up in their own suppressed emotional pain, delusions, illusions, opinions and beliefs formed by their own egos and the indoctrination and agenda of entities and formed institutions. However, since most people think, act and behave similarly in response to conditioning by society, others and their own minds, it doesn’t seem abnormal at all.

We might all be subject to the greatest con game of all time! One thing I do appreciate about being numbed out for 30 years was that I wasn’t as subject to manipulation, influence, bias, and propaganda from others, news, institutions and the rich-and-powerful elite wanting to maintain the status quo. Just like my egoic thoughts and beliefs have been keeping me imprisoned for over 30 years, maybe people in powerful positions have been lying or misleading the public in order to further their egoic agendas in addition to society already being lost in its egoic distractions and attractions, thus keeping us common folk poor, boxed in and compliant over a much longer period of time.

Like Dr. Phil would say to me, “How’s that working for you”? Not very well! I had been running away from my pain and immersed in my core beliefs through several decades of perpetual despair; likewise, I ask society, “How is our political government’s policies and laws, lobbyists and their corporate interests, federal reserve’s monetary-system, military, and the “invisible” rich-and-powerful puppeteers that are pulling our institutions’ strings working for our apathetic society? Not very well from the looks of things: unemployment, wars, homelessness, poverty, wall street corruption, crime, health care, educational system, oil & gas companies, tobacco companies, water companies and capitalist pursuits in general. Need I say anymore? Is it possible that our society has been longing for and slowly moving towards a more spiritual, consciousness-based, humane “awakening” age of courageousness, acceptance, compassion, social & environmental responsibility and peace—what really matters to our souls—instead of perpetuating the vicious cycle of suffering throughout our world? Maybe, this also possibly entails revisiting and modifying or completely revising the way our society is currently structured.2

We are so busy trying to survive with jobs that are supporting our egoic addictions, obsessions and possessions including our minds being busy with judgments of and by others, past regrets, and future worries that we don’t have any time to sit down, breathe and think objectively; better yet, feel and intuitively sense that there is something drastically amiss with our society now and with its future course. Is it possible to control or manipulate people through the use of terms or phrases like terrorism, patriotism, us against them, good vs. evil, the United States is the greatest country on planet earth, America is the “land of equal opportunity or freedom”, you can live the American dream, and live in a true democracy, etc? What would Dr. Martin L. King say if he were alive today? Funny, or actually not very funny, how some of the most prolific enlightened teachers of our recent times have been assassinated! Fear begets more fear; violence begets more violence; apathy begets more apathy; division and separation begets more division and separation; punishment begets more punishment; efforts to control begets more efforts to control; suffering begets more suffering and on-and-on the dysfunctional cycles keep perpetuating themselves.  Nothing of real significance or social value seems to be getting accomplished in our present day.

I was a prisoner locked in a relative nightmare: influenced, controlled, and lost in my illusory egoic thoughts for 30 years, so I can entirely believe that it is possible for people to be lost in their egoic thoughts and for society to be manipulated and controlled by its own “collective” madness. For example, institutions’ egoic agendas, especially perpetuated by the power-hungry elitists trying to maintain or increase their influence, wealth, and power—it is never enough. I hope that society can start waking up from its fear-based nightmares and set a new path towards individual and collective enlightenment while there is still time to reverse some of the damage and chart a new course for humanity. How many enlightened, formative leaders were either listed as traitors, communists, rebels, terrorists or assassinated in order to try to control and manage anyone whose greater societal goals conflicted with the economic agenda of “invisible”, powerful people? Have there ever been any effective societal changes brought about by apathetic and complacent people caught up in seeking fulfillment or the American dream? There must be a better way of taking care of our planet through loving each other and sharing its resources without so much strife. When is enough, enough?

I don’t have any children, but I care about our planet and the future generations that will inhabit it, what will society and the world be like then? Dare I wonder? If there is a god, what would he think about the treatment of the planet’s resources, environment and humanity by its inhabitants? Speaking of gods, I am amazed at how indoctrinated and dogmatic people have become with the bible or religion in general. It seems like another way to keep everyone occupied seeking and looking for divine guidance and miracles outside of themselves.  They are divisive and opinionated in order to feel better about themselves. The answers we are seeking are already within us covered up by the frenzy of our chaotic, fast-paced lives—opinions, judgments, core beliefs, emotional pain, addictions and obsessions—all leading to untold suffering. Religion isn’t the problem, all religions point to the same basic truth—our spirit or essence in the now—but has been mistranslated and misinterpreted into egoic beliefs and agendas. In my opinion, if there is a god he is an all-loving god that doesn’t judge, send people to hell and look at homosexuality as aberrant behavior, for example; my question: is man really born with sin or is it a product of nature and his own egoic madness?

Who made or gets to make up the rules anyway? What happened to decency, rationality and the scientific method? Math, physics, and chemistry are not subject to interpretation or manipulation like our languages, books, religions and ideologies. People believe what they want to believe or have been indoctrinated to believe! Would they rather believe that past events such as wars, economic fluctuations and assassinations were caused by enemies, unforeseen forces and crazy people rather than even the remote possibility that people with great wealth and influence possibly played a hand in our government’s decisions? Oh I forgot, our government is elected by and for the people’s interests and well-being, or is it? Who controls water, money, food, oil, gas, etc. more than likely influences society and the direction it is going in—egoic insanity?

The egoic mind loves to attach to ideologies, beliefs, and opinions: it’s a way of feeling more superior, knowledgeable, or spiritually enlightened than others. It’s okay to have beliefs, opinions, and ideologies as long as one, a group, or a nation does not become self-identified with them to the point of causing untold suffering through inappropriate words and actions to manipulate, instigate, defend or protect egoic prides or agendas, but rather, can keep an open and honest dialogue with others’ opposing viewpoints. For example, Michael Moore’s, Bill Mahr’s and Peter Joseph’s documentaries are very thought-provoking and interesting to my egoic mind compared to our government’s versions of events; however, the truth or better yet reality usually lays somewhere in-between two opposing biases or viewpoints. Where on that continuum line it falls is of utmost importance to us! As the Venus project, and associated activist-based Zeitgeist movement, points out maybe having a resource-based economy is more in-line with our value system than our current monetary-based society. Food for thought!2

According to several sources based more on actual evidence rather than hearsay, man-made issues that the world is facing now may increase over time if we don’t challenge our assumptions and do something. These issues include the following: a growing world population with diminishing natural resources; pollution; infrastructure failures, systemic financial instability at the local, national, and global levels; delocalization of our food sources resulting in energy waste (1400 miles of travel for an average meal); rampant corruption; possibility of nuclear terrorism; oil shortages; lack of alternative energy sources; genocide; capitalistic energy & product waste; global warming and class, political, religious and territorial warfare.1 Not too mention any natural or semi-natural disasters that might add to the urgency of some of our already strained man-made issues. For example, earthquakes, blizzards, floods, hurricanes, tornadoes, tsunamis, volcanic eruptions and droughts are some of the events that are definitely influenced by the hands of mankind’s egoic foolishness.

Has our society ever faced so many pressing inter-related man-made calamities? Society is living way beyond its means. We assume that we will continue to have cyclical economic up and down-turns, but is that an accurate assumption? Can we solve a credit crisis by injecting more credit into the system?1 Are we handling our discomforting thoughts regarding the disintegration of our planet via denial, apathy and acting on a major issue only after it becomes a real problem, which may too late? Just because we can measure something doesn’t mean we will be able to control it. Is our quality of life, measured by compassion, love, peace, joy, sharing and human communion, getting better or getting worse? We have finite resources that are being depleted or misused by a society’s infinite wants, needs, and desires—at what cost to future generations? What will future generations say about our 20th century generation? Will our capitalistic society and its effects be viewed as a good thing or a bad thing to hopefully a more caring, compassionate and unified human race in the near future? The real revolution is waking up from the egoic dream, rediscovering and living true to our spirits—thereby, influencing and affecting the energy and consciousness of our planet. Evolve or perish?

Our society is starting to talk about these sorts of issues now; however, in order to raise more awareness requires even more documentaries, books, articles, movies, open-minded discussions and dialogue on our TV, radio, and internet media channels, to help proliferate the awakening consciousness of humans. Problems have to be immediate in-your-face problems before our institutions and society will start taking anything seriously, by then it maybe too late. Empires and civilizations have collapsed in the past. Change is inevitable. Is collapse possible or has it already begun? The time we have left to do something about these issues maybe our most limiting resource of all whether it be raising more awareness, near-term or long-term solutions, people waking up out of their egoic dreams into a new way of being and living amongst each other, etc.

“History doesn’t repeat itself, but it does rhyme”

— attributed to Mark Twain

I believe that there are a lot more people throughout our world who want to be more vocal and active towards inspiring and waking up our society’s egoic numbed-out dream-state through conversations, discussions, debates, disseminating information through mass-media, formulating actions and steps towards at least reducing some of our future concerns or current issues. Our society’s structure is based on immediate fixations and gratifications: we look forward to things in our daily lives of today, tomorrow and the coming weeks rather than short-term or long-term escalation of serious societal problems that may not manifest in our lifetimes, but in the lifetimes of future generations. Are political, defense, corporate and religious power structures looking out for our common good, need for human connection and basic resources and the reduction of human suffering? Our world community must learn to take care of plants, animals, earth’s resources and one another to prevent our demise.

The ego is all-about self-preservation and domination. Fairness, trust and ethics are kicked to the curb as cost efficiency increases and workers are wrung out to dry with a sink or swim mentality to improve production efficiency, even at the cost of replacing humans with robots. As robots replace more-and-more repetitive mundane human tasks, even in the services industry, will there be any more technologically advancing, lucrative jobs or even mediocre jobs created to replace them? Profits increase as scarcity of goods increases, so abundance, efficiency and sustainability fall by the wayside in our monetary-based system of profit, greed and corruption.

Many US corporations have more wealth than a lot of smaller countries. Are we moving towards a world monopoly? Are we really working for ourselves or for the banks and the corporations they support? Humans are not born with greed, competitiveness, corruption, bigotry, racism, hatred, selfishness, etc.—these are learned behaviors. Who are the true terrorists? Supposed terrorists hiding in Afghanistan caves or something much closer to home? There has to be something better than our current economic system even if it takes trial-and-error concepts and improvements along the way to a better way of “being” in this world.

People are robbed of their intrinsic value and abilities to contribute to society’s real goals of love, connection and the reduction of suffering by the creation of mindless, repetitive jobs based on the egoic needs for more-and-more profit. How much does our monetary-based system contribute to crime and violence, especially with such an inequality of wealth and power in the world?  If there are any significant problems existing in our society that can not be solved by competition and profit, then they are minimized.

Change is difficult for humans, so the tendency to hang onto old belief structures is entrenched in our society even if it is dysfunctional—just like what happened with my emotional pain and core belief system. Traditionalized, outdated institutions are suppressing human’s ability to transcend suffering. Spirituality, awareness, connectedness and unconditional love is the way of the new earth as our monetary-based society becomes a relic of the past. How bad will things need to get in the United States for Americans to stand up and demand change just like what is happening with Egypt’s protestors over the last couple of weeks?

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”

— Mahatma Gandhi


  1. “Prophets of Doom” History channel tv program available on DVD from their website or on Youtube at   DVD or Internet
  1. The Zeitgeist movie series: Zeitgeist, The Movie (2007), Addendum (2008), Moving Forward (2010) directed by Peter Joseph at    DVD or Internet
  1. Tolle, Eckhart, “A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose,” New York: Penguin Group November 2006.  Print.
  1. Baker, Dan, “What Happy People Know: How the New Science of Happiness Can Change Your Life for the Better,” New York: St. Martin’s Press  2003.   Print
  1. Brach, Tara, “Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your With the Heart of a Buddha,” Print.
  1. Taylor, Dr. Jill Bolte, “My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey,” November, 2006. Print.
  1. Dyer, Wayne, “How to Get What You Really, Really, Really, Really Want,” 1998 VHS
  1. Moss, Richard, “The Mandela of Being: Discovering the Power of Awareness,” Novato, California: New World Library  2007 Print.


My Intentions: The Way I Want to Live My Life

  1. I am passionate about being of service to others while simultaneously helping myself and others to spiritually evolve and live more in the present moment in order to help improve relationships with ourselves and others, thereby reducing suffering.
  2. I am grateful for and appreciate everything and everyone who I have crossed paths with and will cross paths with helping me to spiritually grow in order to help myself and others to live more in the present moment.
  3. I treat myself and others with love, forgiveness, compassion, kindness, empathy and respect. I am a good and decent human being even when no one else is watching.
  4. I am committed to living with integrity, honesty, and sincerity and being more environmentally friendly in my life.
  5. I will live and feel in the present moment and become aware of the wondrous splendor existing in and all around me. I will be a human “being” rather than a human “doing”.
  6. I intuitively slow-down and know that there is nowhere to go, nothing to learn, change, be or do, as I am already where I want to be—home in presence.
  7. I realize that my agenda, assumptions, beliefs, opinions, preferences, resentments, regrets, worries, judgments, labels, self-imposed limitations, and expectations are ego-constructed thoughts that only get in the way of presence, which takes no effort.
  8. I appreciate our greatest spiritual teachers: our kids and furry friends living in the present moment, and my suffering for showing me that I’m not in the present moment and lost in thought.
  9. I realize that anytime I am resisting “what is”, which is trying to control something, I suffer; however, I don’t cause suffering as suffering is self-imposed and optional. Accept change, as impermanence is permanent!
  10. I realize that anytime I want to protect, defend, “fix” or enhance myself I suffer & allow for the possibility that someone else may suffer.
  11. I realize that my whole life I have been living in a relative nightmare—my ego—not an absolute nightmare, so I can wake up at any time, by coming back to the present moment. Neutrality isn’t boring—it’s peaceful.
  12. I never gave up on myself and my girlfriend never gave up on me, so how could I give up on anyone else—ironically, I had to give up my “self”—my ego—in order to uncover what was already there—my loving spirit.

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2 Responses to Introduction to Spiritual Autobiography

  1. Kendyl De La Garza says:

    I love your intentions! They resonate with me! : )

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